What if mastering your emotions was the key to unlocking your peak performance and inner peace?
In this fascinating conversation, Ashish Kothari sits down with Dr. Ethan Kross, acclaimed psychologist and author of Chatter and Shift, to explore the science of emotional mastery — and how simple, research-backed tools can help you transform anxiety, anger, and stress into clarity, focus, and resilience.
Dr. Kross unpacks the six core “emotional shifters” — from sensory awareness to perspective-taking — that anyone can use to quiet mental chatter, navigate life’s chaos, and thrive in both work and life.
💡 What You’ll Learn:
🧠 What emotions really are — and why they’re not the enemy.
⚡ The purpose of “negative” emotions like anger and anxiety (and how they can fuel growth and innovation).
🎧 The six emotional shifters you can use to regulate your emotions:
1. Sensory Shifters: Use music, touch, or nature to calm the nervous system.
2. Attention Shifters: Learn when to focus and when to take mental breaks.
3. Perspective Shifters: Reframe your challenges by changing the lens you view them through.
4. Relationship Shifters: Choose the right “emotional advisors” — people who listen and help you move forward.
5. Environmental Shifters: Design physical spaces that restore focus, calm, and creativity.
6. Cultural Shifters: Build and participate in cultures that support emotional well-being.
🌬️ How to manage anxiety in real time using a “1-2-3” combination of tools.
💬 The science behind why venting alone doesn’t help — and what actually does.
🌱 How leaders can create emotionally intelligent, high-performing cultures at work.
Guest Spotlight: Dr. Ethan Kross
📚 Author of Chatter and Shift
🎓 Professor of Psychology and Management, University of Michigan
🔗 Connect on LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/ekross/
Ethan Kross is one of the world’s leading experts on controlling the conscious mind. His work bridges neuroscience and practical tools, helping people regulate their inner voice, harness emotions, and turn stress into strength.
🪞 Key Insight:
Mastering your emotions isn’t about eliminating them — it’s about learning to work with them.
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Happiness Squad Website: https://happinesssquad.com/
Ashish Kothari: https://www.linkedin.com/in/ashishkothari1/
YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/@MyHappinessSquad
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/happiness-squad
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/myhappinesssquad/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/myhappinesssquad
Transcript
Ashish Kothari:
Welcome to The Flourishing Edge, the podcast where we share weekly tips on making flourishing your competitive edge. I’m Ashish Kothari, your host, and each week we dive deep with flourishing experts, changemakers, and executives to share best practices that help unlock higher performance through science-based interventions.
Let’s step together into the edge of what’s possible and live, work, and lead with more joy, health, love, and meaning.
Ethan, I’m so excited to have you here on the Happiness Squad podcast. Thank you for taking time out of a very busy schedule to join us and share your work with our listeners.
Ethan Kross:
It’s an honor to be here. I’m really delighted to share what I know about the science of managing emotions with you and everyone tuning in today.
Ashish Kothari:
Often when people hear about the work we do at Happiness Squad, they say, “Oh, so you just help people be happy forever?” And I always respond, “No—life has suffering.” Most of our suffering is psychological, and while we can’t escape it, we can manage it.
That’s why I’ve loved your work. From Chatter to Shift, you offer such a clear, accessible, science-based approach to emotional mastery. Before we dive into the practices, I’d love to start with your origin story. What drew you into studying emotions so deeply?
Ethan Kross:
t book, Chatter, published in:After speaking about that research, people kept asking, “What about anger?” “What about shame?” “What about anxiety?” It became clear that people didn’t fully understand emotions themselves—why we have them or what to do when they spiral.
Shift was my attempt to synthesize decades of scientific research on emotion: what emotions are, why we have them, what they do for us, and—most importantly—how to manage them when they become overwhelming.
Ashish Kothari:
Let’s start with the basics. What is an emotion?
Ethan Kross:
Even scientists debate this, but here’s the common ground: emotions are responses to things that happen in the world—or things we imagine happening—that are meaningful to us.
When something matters, a coordinated “software program” activates across our physiology, thinking, and behavior to help us respond. Anxiety narrows attention. Anger mobilizes action. Sadness encourages reflection.
Negative emotions don’t feel good, but in the right proportion, they’re adaptive. Problems arise when emotions are too intense or last too long.
Ashish Kothari:
That reframing is powerful—especially around emotions like anger and anxiety, which are often vilified.
Ethan Kross:
Exactly. Take anger. We feel it when something violates our sense of right and wrong and we believe we can do something about it. It motivates action and signals others that something is wrong.
Anxiety works the same way. When it’s proportional, it helps us prepare. The talks I give that go best are the ones I worried about beforehand—because that anxiety drove preparation.
The goal isn’t eliminating negative emotions. That’s impossible and undesirable. The goal is learning how to manage them so they do what they evolved to do—without hijacking us.
Ashish Kothari:
That aligns deeply with the idea that suffering is part of growth. Especially in entrepreneurship, leadership, and meaningful work—perseverance requires learning how to work with discomfort, not avoid it.
Ethan Kross:
Absolutely. When stress and emotion show up, people have three choices: exit, endure without tools, or persevere with skills. The third path is the healthiest and most sustainable.
What pains me is that we don’t teach these skills early in life. We teach math and science—but not emotional regulation. That’s both the pain point and the opportunity.
Ashish Kothari:
Let’s talk about the tools. In Shift, you outline six “shifters”—three inside-out and three outside-in. Let’s start with sensory shifters.
Ethan Kross:
Sensory shifters use your senses—sound, sight, touch, smell—to shift emotions quickly. Sensory and emotional systems in the brain are tightly linked.
Music is a powerful example. Most people say they listen to music because of how it makes them feel, yet only a minority use it intentionally when struggling emotionally.
If you want to shift upward, choose music that moves you in that direction. Nature, touch, smells, visuals—all can shift emotional states rapidly.
These tools don’t solve life’s biggest problems, but they create enough emotional space to apply deeper strategies.
Ashish Kothari:
What are the other inside-out shifters?
Ethan Kross:
The second is attention. You can choose when to engage a problem and when to step away. Avoidance isn’t always bad—flexible engagement is key.
The third is perspective shifting. Humans can reframe problems, but it’s hard when emotions are high. One effective technique is distanced self-talk—using your name or “you” to coach yourself as you would a friend.
This activates perspective-taking and reduces emotional intensity.
Ashish Kothari:
We use that extensively in team conflict work—physically shifting perspective changes everything.
Ethan Kross:
Exactly. It counteracts bias and reduces resentment.
Ashish Kothari:
What about outside-in shifters?
Ethan Kross:
The first is relationships—emotion advisors who both empathize and help reframe. Venting alone isn’t enough.
Second is physical space. Nature, familiar places, orderliness, photos of loved ones—all help regulate emotions and restore a sense of control.
Third is culture. Organizational and social cultures shape how emotions are experienced and managed. Culture isn’t static—it’s built through micro-moments, and everyone contributes to it.
Ashish Kothari:
Last question: if someone is dealing with anxiety, what’s a practical one–two–three approach?
Ethan Kross:
I use music and breathing for quick relief, step away from the problem to let emotions cool, then perspective shift—asking how I’ll feel about this in a few weeks. If needed, I reach out to trusted advisors.
These tools don’t erase anxiety, but they turn the volume down enough to re-engage with life.
Ashish Kothari:
Ethan, thank you. Your work is transformative and deeply practical. Emotional mastery sits at the heart of high performance and well-being.
Ethan Kross:
Thank you. I’m grateful for the work you do and for the chance to share this conversation.
Ashish Kothari:
Thank you for joining me on The Flourishing Edge. If today’s conversation inspired you, share it with someone ready to flourish. Subscribe, leave a review, and stay connected for more tools to achieve breakthrough performance through flourishing.
