What is your number one priority in life?
Hundreds of my clients have said that spending time with their family is their top priority. And yet, I find that our actions often contradict that. When we spend time with our families, are we truly there? Or are we still focused on work?
Dr. Clayton Christensen hypothesized that if we got an extra hour in our day, we would use it for work rather than spending time with family. This contradiction often leaves my clients frustrated and saying things like, “I’m working so hard. How do I not have time for my family?” Why, despite our best intentions and what we value deeply, do we still prioritize work?
As individuals, our psychology makes us need to feel valued. We also tend to prioritize short-term over long-term gains. We like recognition and our workplaces offer this quickly. That extra hour might get us a promotion sooner. And we like that. Our brains are also wired for fear, so we prioritize work because we are afraid to fail. In these moments we find ourselves saying, “I’m doing this for my family.” And we end up being unhappy but staying in this vicious cycle. Does that resonate with you? I know it resonated with me.
I decided to try to stop this cycle and found that one of the best ways was to set boundaries.
Here are three tips that helped me devote my time to what I valued most:
1. Stick to a small change 100% of the time
My first tip is to start small. Pick an hour, a night, or a weekend to spend time doing what you value most. Whichever it is, choose to commit to spending your time that way 100% of the time.
2. Choose the three things most important to you
Ask yourself, “What are three things that I want to go really big on?” This will help you really focus on the biggest priorities and create space to let some of the other things go.
3. Establish new rules with your current support system
When you reprioritize, some of your new habits may need to be communicated with your network. Work with your loved ones, coworkers, and friends to find ways to help you prioritize what matters most. An example of this could be when you tell your coworkers that 5 PM is your cut-off and you will be turning your notifications off to spend time with your family.
Doing this work has helped me establish and strengthen boundaries that prioritize spending time with the people I love. I hope these tips are as fruitful for you as they have been for me.
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