Feedback is something we often crave yet simultaneously fear. In this episode, host Ashish Kothari sits down with Dr. Brodie Riordan, an industrial-organizational psychologist and author of Feedback Fundamentals and Evidence-Based Practices. Brodie pulls back the curtain on the academic research surrounding feedback to provide a practical, “chewed up” version that anyone can use. They discuss why most people are unskilled at giving feedback, how to avoid the dreaded “feedback sandwich,” and how to manage the emotional “gap” in our brains when we are on the receiving end. This conversation is essential for anyone looking to build a culture of high performance and psychological safety.
Main Topics Covered
- Overfunctioning in Feedback: Why providers should stop diagnosing intentions and start sharing observable data.
- The Victim Mindset in Receiving: How to move from feeling like feedback is “happening to you” to being an active participant.
- The “Mother Robin” Metaphor: Brodie’s mission to translate dense academic journals into accessible daily practices.
- The Four-Part Feedback Framework: Exploring the Provider, the Recipient, the Message, and the Context.
- Public vs. Private Self-Consciousness: Why giving feedback in front of others diverts cognitive resources away from learning.
- Process vs. Outcome Feedback: Why we value “negative” feedback during a task but “positive” feedback at the end.
- The Feedback Sandwich Critique: Why “sugarcoating” creates confusion and conditions people to wait for the other shoe to drop.
Key Takeaways
- Stay on Your Side of the Net: You can only know what you observed (data) and how it impacted you. You cannot know the other person’s intention.
- Feedback is a Distance Measure: At its core, feedback is simply data measuring the distance between where you are and where you want to be.
- Emotions Move Faster than Cognition: When you receive feedback, your emotional brain reacts instantly. Rational thought takes hours or days to catch up—give yourself grace and time to process.
- The “Pre-Ask” Strategy: Ask for feedback before an event (like a presentation) to lower the giver’s anxiety and ensure they capture specific, high-quality data.
- Check Your Intention: If your goal isn’t to help the person improve their future behavior, but rather to make them feel small or exert power, do not give the feedback.
Episode Chapters
- 0:00 – 2:37 Introduction: Feedback—The Gift We Fear
- 2:38 – 5:44 Common Mistakes: Overfunctioning and Diagnosing Intentions
- 5:45 – 9:16 The “Side of the Net” Concept and the Late-to-Meetings Story
- 9:17 – 13:03 Brodie’s Origin Story: Becoming a Feedback Convert
- 13:04 – 15:55 Defining Positive and Negative Feedback as Data
- 15:56 – 18:43 The Four-Part Framework: Provider, Recipient, Message, Context
- 18:44 – 24:50 Crafting the Message: SBI (Situation, Behavior, Impact)
- 24:51 – 33:01 The Death of the Feedback Sandwich and the 3:1 Ratio
- 33:02 – 35:28 Process vs. Outcome Feedback: When Negative is Preferred
- 35:29 – 39:58 Context Matters: Timing, Medium, and Emotional Charge
- 39:59 – 44:58 The Seven-Step Process for Receiving Feedback
- 44:59 – 49:03 Feedback as a Dialogue: Aligning on Expectations
- 49:04 – 53:53 Three Actionable To-Dos and the Feedback Playlist
Connect with the Guest
- LinkedIn: Brodie Riordan
- The Book: Feedback Fundamentals and Evidence-Based Practices
- Playlist: Brodie’s Feedback Favorites {Insert link to playlist}
Connect with the Host
- Website: Happiness Squad
- LinkedIn: Ashish Kothari
- Book: Hardwired for Happiness
Call to Action: Ready to close the gap between your intentions and your impact? Follow The Flourishing Edge, like this episode, and share it with a colleague you want to grow with.
Would you like me to help you draft your first “Pre-Ask” for feedback based on an upcoming project or presentation?
